I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize