My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
