Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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