We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
