I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
