why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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