Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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