Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
