whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
