I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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