Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
