Fuck appropriateness.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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