I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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