i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
