this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
