So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
