I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
