before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize