You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
