We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
