i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
