i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
