why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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