Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
