I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
