Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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