1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
