we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
