Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
