I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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