Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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