you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
