This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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