I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
