Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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