i think my tv is drunk
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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