she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
