I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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