i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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