Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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