He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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