If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
