You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
