U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
