Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize