i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When are your genitals available?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
