when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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