It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
