I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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