based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
