can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
