I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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