Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
