Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So vagazzling was a success
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
