So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
