If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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