my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
