Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize
