I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
