I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
