What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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