yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
