He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
