I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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