@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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