Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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