Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
