I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
