hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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