I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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