i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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