I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
