Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
