I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
