Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize