kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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