good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
