happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
