finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize