i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
