She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize