She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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