I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
