dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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