so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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