We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
