got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
