are you still at the devil's house?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Randomize
