that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
