dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
