Pants 0. Shit 1.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize