i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
