I think scott just propositioned me for sex
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
