Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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