There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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