I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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