it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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