Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
