ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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