its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
