I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
