I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
