I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
