I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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