yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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