Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
