Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
